The Seven Chinese Sisters ***GGG***

The book begins with a double page illustration of all the sisters lined up, smiling, but looking directly at the reader. I’m always trying to teach Lucy to look people in the eye when she is talking to them and to speak with a strong voice. I get no help from all these shy princesses and shy girls in movies and books, always coyly looking away. Even books I like such as Louder Lily and Shrinking Violet are about timid girls; it frustrates me that acting shy is so often presented in kid lit and kids’ media as the essence of femininity. Are there any books about shy boys? Please let me know, I want read them to my kids. God knows there are shy boys in real life and this giant discrepancy in the fiction world makes no sense. I guess when the girls appear shy, it’s an easy way to make boys seem brave.

These seven sisters are courageous and cool and beautiful. Each sister has a special skill– driving a scooter as fast as the wind, the ability to speak to dogs, catching any ball no matter how high. All these talents come in handy  when a dragon kidnaps the baby and her older sisters must rescue her (so it’s also a good opportunity to teach kids about foreshadow.)

The dragon is bright red and the pictures are vivid and magical looking. My three year old absolutely loves the picture of the dragon grabbing up the baby sister, she’ll just stare at it for minutes at a time. There are many action shots including the girls speeding up the mountian in the scooter, leaping high to slap the dragon, catching the baby when she is tossed through the air.

I also like this story because it turns out the dragon is wicked because he is so lonely. I’m always telling my kids that’s why people are bad or mean– they didn’t get enough love and just need more. I hope this is true.

Kell on Earth

I’ve been a Kelly Cutrone fan since she first appeared as Whitney Port’s boss on The Hills, MTV’s hit reality show about young women trying to get rich and famous in LA (problem is, they are already rich and famous from being on the show– very meta– but the program, somehow avoids showing any of that, except you’ll see Heidi Montag and her apparently totally unemployed husband, Spencer, move from their condo to a huge, gorgeous house with crazy views.)

For those who don’t know of her, Kelly owns a fashion/ PR company called People’s Revolution. Whitney Port got a job there when her Teen Vogue internship was up, and then brought along her friend Lauren Conrad. Then Whitney moved to NYC to work for Diane Von Furstenburg for a season, but now she’s back working with Kelly who is suporting/ mentoring her as she tries to launch her own fashion line.

So in case you can’t tell, I’ve been watching this MTV show since Laguna Beach days. None of these shows are for kids, but for a tired mom at the end of the day– perfect. It’s a great, mindlesss accompaniment to reading my weekly tabs. When the kids are asleep, my husband is working, I have some quiet, alone time for just half an hour, about once a week. There’s nothing like it.

Kelly Cutrone fascinates me because she works in the model/ fashion business but her hair is always kind of stringy, pulled back in a pony tail. She wears black head to toe, usually a long sleeved shirt black shirt and pants, no make up. Yet, you see her critiquing models and fashion all the time– and she’s right on with everything she says. How does she do it? How does she live and work in this world, be so succesful and not internalize any of it? It’s like she has magical powers, can get close to kryptonite and be immune. Is it that putting on great fashion shows is just like she’s creating any kind of a product, like say, sofas, so of course she’s not going to get all upset because she doesn’t look like her sofa?

On an Episode of The City, Kelly famously told a model, Ali, that she was too thin. It was great to hear that kind of honesty on this insane show (of course Ali denied it and freaked out, she was born thin, has always been thin, has hgh metabolism) though I don’t really see Ali’s body as much different than the multitude of skinny girls on the show.

I think its cool that Kelly has her own very successful business, looks like she employs almost allwomen and mentors them too. I’d like to have her on my side. It’s actually Kelly Cutrone that gave me the push to start blogging. I was reading in the NY Times Style section sometime in December I think, an article about fashion shows, and how some bloggers have reached the same status as fashion mags and these editors are up in arms about it. Kelly is quoted saying something like, “Would I put a blogger from Oklahoma in the front row next to an editor an Elle? Yes.” Before that, as a writer who achieved some level of success freelancing in “old media”, I was avoiding blogging– anyone can do it? you don’t have to pitch an editor? You don’t get paid for your wrting? Who reads it? I’m still a new blogger and don’t understand completely why I’m doing it (or even what an RSS feed is) but if Kelly is into it, so am I.

Kell on Earth is a new reality show just  about Kelly. Again, not for kids, but I’ll definitely check it out.

I Prefer My Misogyny Straight Up

For those of you who think I am pro-censorship, I’m posting something I wrote years ago about Eminem. I wrote this when I was talk radio producer for KGO and the male radio hosts were upset about Eminem’s lyrics.

I am more into parent education than I was when I wrote this. Though then and now, I didn’t think Eminem was good for little kids. What annoyed me so much back then is the same thing as today– protestors who normally don’t care much about sexism or women focusing on the wrong issue, the way Eminem described inequality instead of actual inequality. I remain passionately committed to helping women get into a position where they can tell their own stories.

This op-ed is from sfgate.com. I hope its not illegal to post the whole thing but I can’t believe they’d really care. Here it is.

‘I prefer my misogyny straight up’
MARGOT MAGOWAN
Wednesday, July 12, 2000

I LIKE hip-hop music. I know I’m not supposed to because so many of the songs have horrifyingly violent, sexist or homophobic lyrics.

Hip-hop is also the most innovative thing to happen to music in a long time.

When you compare hip-hop to its biggest rival for domination of the music charts – the corporate-created Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, and pop-princess clones Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera – rappers/producers like Dr. Dre and Method Man are infinitely more talented. Hip-hop is captivating precisely because it tells a story, overlaying lyrics on top of familiar backbeats, creating songs that are at once new and familiar.

The story hip-hop tells may be disturbing or degrading, but that’s no reason to shun it. As art has always done, hip-hop describes our times, exposing a sometimes ugly world – of drugs, sexism, poverty and violence – that middle-class America may prefer to hide away.

In the ’60s, Bob Dylan enraged those who upheld the status quo. Today, we have a whole new slew of musical poets.

Just like they did with Dylan, the older generation asks, “How can you listen to this awful music? There’s no melody! And those lyrics!”

Baby boomers protest that THEIR songs were about peace and love, while hip-hop celebrates killing and humiliates women.

But surely rock ‘n’ roll stars have never been known for their kindness to women. The Rolling Stones cranked out hits like “Under My Thumb,” “Brown Sugar” and “Little T & A,” sneered through lyrics like “You make a dead man come” and glorified violence in songs like “Midnight Rambler.”

Sexual violence in lyrics wasn’t limited to bad boy bands either. Old peaceniks Jerry Garcia and Neil Young sang songs like “Down by the River” about murdering a lover. Ever since Elvis shook his pelvis, music has shocked, and the older generation just didn’t get it.

Critics charge that hip-hop crosses a line, most recently fingering rap sensation Eminem, who sings about raping his mother and slicing up his wife in front of their daughter.

But Freudians would tell you Eminem’s mother rage and sexual fantasies are pure id, the uncensored subconscious struggling for self expression. The views of Sigmund Freud, of course, are infamous for his distorted views on women, though that doesn’t stop us from studying him in our best educational institutions. Nor should it.

Hip-hop may be more shocking and graphic than your run-of-the-mill shapers of Western thought, but I prefer my misogyny straight up. Movies like “Pretty Woman,” in which Julia Roberts plays a prostitute with a heart of gold, may be prettier packaging, but if you think women are “hos,” just tell me so.

Tales of sex and violence aren’t limited to male artists. “Goodbye Earl” by the Dixie Chicks and Macy Gray’s “I Committed Murder,” two recent hits by women artists, both detail violent killings with unrestrained glee. Angry young women muttering obscenities include Alanis Morissette, Courtney Love and Ani DiFranco.

Nor is disdain for men by women artists a new fad. Sylvia Plath, the late poet and darling of ’60s English lit majors, famously compared male genitalia to turkey necks and gizzards. Never one to shy away from sex or violence, she once said she “eats men like air.”

The difference, of course, is when women say these things, it really is just art. Because men are the guys with power, their expressions of domination, violence and sexual exploitation contribute to a culture where women really are forced into limited categories of queens or hos, where masculinity is defined by how many babes you score, and where women often are left powerless and exploited.

But sanitizing music is just shooting the messenger; it can’t transform a sexist culture. Warning stickers on CD covers are no protection from the deeply entrenched social realities that hip-hop pushes right in your face.

Women won’t feel threatened by lyrics when they overcome real inequities and get real power. Women will then be too busy making art and making deals to waste time wondering if they should side with the radical right, clamoring to keep obscenities out of Wal-Mart.

The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins

Since I started this blog, I’ve been avoiding writing about Dr. Suess.

He’s one of the best kid lit author-illustrators of all time, talented and creative with the creatures he dreamed up and the wise and hilarious things they say– words that make perfect sense even though they don’t. I’m not familiar with the history of children’s books, but I feel like Seuss’s rhyming style revolutionized kid lit, inspiring generations to read.

But there’s a big problem in his stories: the girls are missing; they’re so invisible that going into Seussworld becomes creepy, like being transported to a dystopia where females don’t matter at all.

If you think I’m over-reacting, take a look at The 500 Hats of Bartholmew Cubbins. I read it to my kids tonight. It’s such a long book– about 40 pages and atypical Seuss with lots of text. Just one sentence mentions the existence of women: “Lords and ladies stared from the widows of their turrets, wondering what the strange stream of hats could mean.” There is no lady shown in the accompanying picture or in any of the pages of illustrations that follow, including crowd shots of the city of Didd and the people at court. Every single character in this story is male: the king, Bartholomew, the boy in the title, the gaurds, coachmen, noblemen, lords, record keepers, wise men, archers, magicians, the executioner, and the king’s

nephew.

Along with every college student in America, I received Oh, the Places You’ll Go for graduation. I love the book and still read it when I get depressed. But the uplifting tone almost abandons me when I read: “You’re the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

To all those people that say the words don’t matter (we’re talking about writers here— words matter!)  you’d notice, I think you’d care, if you’re about to graduate from college and embark on the professional world and you receive a gift of poetic maxims that’s supposed to inspire and invigorate you, when they, in fact, exclude you. Say you’re a guy, and you get a book that says: “You’re the girl who’ll decide where to go.” Trust me, you’d notice. And all I’m asking is how could a writer as prolific as Dr. Seuss, a guy who probably made up more creatures, at least of the hairy mammal species, than exist on the planet, a writer whose sheer production of stories rivals Joyce Carol Oates, who knows he is teaching and inspiring little kids to read for the first time– how could he exclude girls to the extent he did?

Oh, the Places You’ll Go has a few females, most notably standing on line in the Waiting Place. Possibly a long eye-lashed elephant is feminine. But certainly not the Hakken Kraks howling, the monsters who pop out of manholes, the strange birds who mix up their right foot with their left; not one of the bearded boom band players is a girl.

Horton hatches an Egg features a leading female– a bad mother bird who abandons her egg to vacation off in Florida (typical kid lit bad mom who abandons her child) Horton is a father-son story about the amazing nurturing characteristics of a determined elephant (nevermind that Seuss’s much loved elephants are, in reality, a matriarchal society) Horton reappears, showing his same super-paternal tendancies in a book where he rescues a Who.

A girl character sneaks her way into Seuss stories now and then– there’s Cindy Lu, the Who in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, who catches him stealing her tree. Cat and the Hat has a sister character, though she’s drastically outnumbered  by males: her brother who narrates the story, the pissed off fish, Thing One and Thing Two, and the cat, of course. You do see the missing mother’s shoe.

Dr. Seuss– just like the guys at Pixar and Disney– is so creative in so many ways, why does he become trite and cliche when it comes to gender? Why is it so beyond the male imagination to create a magical world where girls and boys are equally important?

Mrs. Wonderland

Some British guy just proposed to Alice on the TV commercial previewing the movie. I am so bummed. I’ve been hoping they didn’t fuck up Alice in Wonderland. Now, I’m worried.

Alice replies, “This is all happening so fast. Let me just take minute.” Then she goes down the rabbit hole. Maybe this ad is skewing the story, and the film is not really about this (which would still annoy me with lame advertising, but not as much as if they really messed up the movie) Isn’t Alice a kid, anyway? Doesn’t she fall asleep while her sister is reading her a book without pictures? Maybe that abstinence only study for sixth graders is relevant after all (see my last post.)

I am frustrated that the plotlines of so many (all?) contemporary movies with girls in big parts always feature marriage as central issue.

Yes, now the girl protagonist is often reluctant to marry, she doesn’t go off with the first guy who kisses her out of unconsciousness; she doesn’t make the obvious, predictable choice (see Mulan, Ariel, Belle and now possibly Alice escaping off to Wonderland) but the plotline is still focused on marriage, rebellion within the safest possible framework. I’d prefer no marriage debate at all, just like in the boy movies. Did Fantasic Mr. Fox or Up have its main characters face this dilemma? In case you didn’t see them, rhetorical question. Actually, I didn’t even see Up and I know I’m right.

I hope Tim Burton doesn’t pull a Dora and turn another cool girl into a Princess. I’d feel better if the film had a female director and a female star whose name I recognized instead of promoting Johnny Depp all over the place. Things are not looking good, but it’s Alice in Wonderland for God’s sake, I’m holding out hope.

Abstinence only headlines

It’s all over the internet that a study has found abstinence only programs may work for teens. The headlines fail to mention to mention the teens being studied are sixth and seventh graders! Barely “teens.” I’d be encouraging these kids not to have sex too. It’s a completely different demographic and maturity level than highschool kids. Its so misleading for the media to present the story this way.

I saw Naomi Wolf on Joy Behar’s show the other night talking about “sexual gradulaism.” I love that term  which I am pretty sure she made up. Wolf wants to bring back heavy petting and argues that when girls learn about their own bodies and how they work, they delay sex and don’t get pregnant. Research of lower teen pregnancy rates in Europe where sex ed is part of the curriculum (and female sexuality seems to me much more accepted and celebrated than in my puritanical home country) back her up. Though the guy on the show with Wolf would not shut up about abstinence. I think his name was Steve, because Naomi kept saying, “Were you abstinent until marriage, Steve?” Steve thought his personal behavior wasn’t relevant to the discussion.

Fiona’s Fairy-tale Five ***GGG***

This is a totally random book, part of the Shrek franchise, cheaply made and printed (the same soft, stapled cover as My Little Pony & Berenstain Bears series.) I have no idea how it got on our bookshelf, but I love it. It’s hilarious.

I’m mostly a Shrek fan, because the whole message that beauty is found on the inside is communicated in an original and effective way. The final makeunder when Fiona transforms into an ogre is well done. I’m so sick of the “beauty and the beast” scenario repeated ad infintum in kids movies and adult ones (see latest Judd Apatow flick) where the overwieght, dorky stoner scores the beauty. I do look forward to the day when the hot guy falls for the “ugly” or fat girl– in cartoon world and the grown up one– because her humor or brains make her so compelling. But at least two beasty green creatures in love is one step in that direction. I have my other complaints about Shrek: he’s the star in his eponymous movie, and Fiona’s storyline is the typical princess scenario culminating with the marriage and happily ever after.

I was most disappointed with Shrek 3 where Fiona’s part is drasticaly reduced, becoming primarily a father/ son story, with Justin Timberlake as the new co-star. Now I know what was happening when Fiona was MIA. Fiona’s Fairy-tale Five is about the drama back at the castle when Shrek went off on his (very male) quest to find an heir.

Fiona is home having a baby shower with her friends Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel etc when Prince Charming storms the castle, trying to stage a coup. The princesses must stop the festivities and defend the castle. Charming is one of my favorite movie bad guys; I love how his suaveness comes off as smarmy and how he’s so un-charming. The story shows the gang of princesses work together (rare to get to see princesses in any kind of group and functioning as a team) to vanquish Charming. It’s fun to see all the princesses in one story and also totally consistent with the Shrek movies which always feature mutiple fairy tale characters meeting up. I think this flimsy book would make a great movie, so much better than boring Shrek 3.

All the princesses surprise themselves and each other, becoming brave heroines. I especially like how Sleeping Beauty snaps out of her daze with some awesome fight moves and when Fiona’s mom says to her, “You didn’t actually think you got these fighting skills from your father, did you?”

Winners Never Quit


This book is by famed soccer player, Mia Hamm. It’s about her childhood when she spent her days playing soccer with her family. “Tap, tap, tap. Her toes kept the ball exactly where she wanted it. She’d kick the ball straight into the net. Goal! Everybody on her team would cheer.”

But then Mia has a bad day, and she doesn’t score any goals; there’s no cheering for her. Her older brother puts his arm arund her and says, “Better luck next time.” But Mia says “I quit,” and storms off the field.

The next day when she shows up to play, her brother won’t let her. “Sorry, Mia. Quitters can’t play on my team.” Mia is forced on the sidelines, just watching. The next day she is allowed to play again, and when she doesn’t make the goal “she feels tears in her eyes.” She hears whispering that she’s going to quit, but she realizes she loves playing soccer even more than she hates losing, and she keeps playing. “Maybe she’d score a goal, maybe she wouldn’t.”

Obviously the message here is that its not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game. But its shown as a real life story, in a way kids can understand; Mia has intense emotions readers witness her learning how to deal with.

I feel like Mia wrote this book just for my daugter Lucy who is incredibly athletic at everything she tries– soccer, T-ball, basketball, air hockey (she didn’t inherit this from me.) At six years old, it is kind of rare to see a kid so aggressive, not wandering off the field or playing house in the goal. Lucy just keeps going after that ball. I obviously want to encourage her passion and skill. But she does cry when she doesn’t play well and says things like, “I’m terrible, I’m the worst.” And when she gets mad, she cheats.

I don’t understand her drive and skill because I wasn’t into sports as a kid. So I especially value this book, because it shows girls that competition is OK, which is something I wish I’d learned in sports and way beyond. I think it’s crucial to teach girls how to compete openly and ethically for victories that matter, so they don’t funnel those drives into backhanded ambitions too often focused on beauty, boys, and popularity, the venues through which girls have historically been allowed to win power.

Humans are competitive. Girls, too often aren’t taught how to deal with that, or even told that to engage in competition is bad. You’ve got to be especially wary where I live, in San Francisco, where many “progressive” schools believe every kid should be in the school play, on the team etc. I get this up to point, but learning to play fair, to want to win, that it feels good  when you do, are important lessons, key to helping girls grow into successful women.

At the end of the book, there are several photographs of Mia Hamm winning trophies, being carried by her teammates, and action shots of her playing soccer as a kid. I love all this imagery, illustrated and real, of a girl displaying her amazing skills and enjoying winning.

Thank you Mia Hamm!

Outside Over There ***GGG***

Sadly, just like two of my other favorite childrens’ book authors, Dr. Seus and William Steig, Maurice Sendak often leaves female characters completely out of his stories or gives them tiny parts.

Outside Over There is different–the three main characters are female. it’s a perfect story: strange, scary, and feminist. This book would make a great movie (are you listening Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers– or some female moviemakers out there?) It’s about  a brave girl who rescues her baby sister after she is stolen away by goblins.

The prose is classic Sendak– concise and beautiful. It begins, “When Papa was away at sea, and Mama in the arbor, Ida played her wonder horn, to rock the baby still, but never watched.” The accompanying illustrations are creepy and intense. The mother is shown in a daze, staring out to sea, obviously missing her husband horribly, not paying any attention to Ida who holds her crying baby sister. You can feel the aloneness and the abdonment the whole family is experiencing, but especially Ida, who is trying her best to take care of the baby, before she makes her fateful mistake of not watching.

Goblins sneak in the window and steal the baby, leaving one made of ice (an image that’s never completely left me) When Ida turns to hug the baby and feels her melt, she makes a fist: ” ‘They stole my sister away,’ she cried. ” ‘To be a nasty goblin’s bride.’ ” She climbs out her window into “outside over there” guided by the voice of her father from the sea. When she finds the goblins, she plays her horn until they dance into such a frenzy “they quick churned into a dancing stream.” Ida grabs up her sister, and brings her home to their mother, still in the arbor, now holding a letter from their father: “I’ll be home one day, and my brave, bright little Ida must watch the baby and her Mama for her Papa who loves her always. Which is just what Ida did.”

Like his much more famous book Where the Wild Things Are, this adventure story is told in less words than this review. Sendak is amazing. I wish more people knew about his best book.