This post is really about kids and food. I realize even girls and food is a digression from my main blog mission which is supposed to be to rate and recommend media and products on how empowering they are to girls. But as I write and think about media and girls, the way I think about food and girls is so related. Besides, the whole point of a blog is you get to digress, right? So here I go.
I mentioned a few posts back I don’t want to forbid toys like Barbie because I think that gives her a charge that only makes kids want her more; I think candy, junk food, is the same way. I try to get really excited about things I think are good for my kids and give little attention to things that are not so good.
A main goal for me as the mother of three girls is to help them grow up without eating disorders. I know its pretty sad that this is something I have to think about but I see so few women eat normally and joyfully.
So after I gave birth to daughter #2– who wants to be called Magnolia in this blog — I read an incredible book called Preventing Childhood Eating Problems. It is by Jane Hirshmann and someone else who I will look up. Anyway, GREAT book. I follow it to the letter and my kids are amazing eaters. They are not picky, they are open to trying new foods, they eat a huge variety of foods and we rarely fight about food. (God, I hope I am not taking all this back when they are teenagers.) But the whole idea is you let your kids eat whatever they want. You let them eat when they are hungry until they are full. It makes sense, I mean let the poor guys control one thing in their lives. Why shouldn’t they eat when they are hungry? Magnolia and Arania (my 6 1/2 year old’s chosen moniker– OK, maybe they’re way into the princess thing after all) each has a food shelf in the cupboard and in the refrigerator. They pick out the food for their foodshelf and they are allowed to go to it and eat whenever they want, even during dinner if they don’t like dinner. We cook one hot meal for dinner; we are not short order cooks. But if they don’t like it, they don’t have to eat it, and we don’t take it personally. Think about it– say you love steak and your husband makes you an amazing steak dinner with a baked potato but you really feel like a salad that night. Maybe you eat the steak anyway so he won’t feel bad. Wrong reason. But can you imagine him forcing you to eat it because that’s your dinner and it’s good for you? This is all from the book, not me.
The kids food shelves have granola bars, tangerines, carrots, M n Ms, cashews, rice cakes, raisins, cheese, lollipops, yogurt etc. They have another cereal shelf that has sugary cereal and cheerios etc they can access. They have an abundance of food, more than they could eat. I don’t give them trouble about wasting food. I feel like they have enough to worry about just learning how to eat right now.
The idea is that there is no “good” food or “bad” food. Forbidding certain foods, calling certain foods dessert that kids are only allowed to eat when they finish other food, using food as a reward or a way to feel better after a cut or a scrape gives food all kinds of power. This book basically teaches kids to tune into their own hunger and meet it. Sadly, I did not learn to this until I was twenty-eight years old, after years of therapy and programs. Nothing ever really helped me get better from an eating disorder until I went to this place in Marin Country called Beyond Hunger which teaches the same practice: eat when you’re hungry, eat whatever you want, stop when you are full. I think the most amazing thing about it is that your orientation switches from outward (calorie counting, nutritionists, the latest diet fad) to inward (“what do I want?”) It’s a skill but I am enormously grateful I learned it and hope to keep passing it on to my daughters.
We do have dinner time but we call it “family time.” We hope that they eat and it is their last chance to eat before bed. They were trying to use this system to manipulate bedtime, if we let them have snacks etc. If they don’t like what’s for dinner, they can go to their foodshelves, but usually they don’t.
In the morning I do say things like “Yum! Cheerios! That’s what I’m going to have.” We call peas “pea treats” and say things like “Who gets the peas first?” We say yum a lot around vegetables or we love the way carrots crunch etc. My kids– like most kids I think– are really influenced by my own food choices and watching me eat. I am really glad I got myself healthy years before I had them.
One challenge I have had with this system is that other kids (Magnolia and Arania’s friends) do have lots of rules around food so there have ben arguments with other kids and their parents at my house. The way I deal with this– the book has good advice– is one rule I have is that my kids cannot feed anyone else or tease people with or about food or it gets taken away.
Read my responses to all the comments & questions I got about this post here.
What do you do when you are watching TV with your kids and commercials come on? I always say to my kids, “What are they trying to sell us?” It’s kind of like a game for us, because often it’s really hard to figure it out. Or it can be a learning game, for example that a talking lizard (is it a lizard?) is selling Geico Insurance. What is insurance? Why do we need it? When they guess what is being sold, sometimes with hints (“Do you see the car with they keep showing us?) I ask, “Do we want that?” And they say, “NO!” Yes, I am programming them, but better me than Lexus…
Does anyone know who he is? Apparently the film critic for Premier. While trying to see if the thing I wrote on Ratatouille was anywhere on the internet still I found this on his blog:
Lest you think that all the wackiness comes from the neoconservative side of the cultural/political spectrum, allow me to introduce one Margot Magowan. Given the ecstatic reviews and stellar box office returns ofRatatouille, the new Pixar picture, you might be under the impression that nobody doesn’t like it. You would be wrong. “Phooey on Ratatouille,” Magowan titles her San Jose Mercury News op-ed on the picture. Why “Phooey?” Because the rat is a boy! And so’s the chef he trains! The woman in the movie has a speech about sexism in French restaurant kitchens, but that’s not enough! Magowan is “depressed” by this.
Now, just as Roy E. at alicublog observed that Muslim villains don’t sell tickets, market wisdom also applies to the creation of animated films, and in America, girls and women aren’t considered major target “demos” for works such as Ratatouille. Things are a bit different in Japan, where manga and anime are big with both sexes, and many Japanese animated films boast strong heroines and/or female characters who are the equals to their male counterparts. The “problem” of sexism in films in general is perhaps worthy of intelligent discussion, but Magowan isn’t interested in intelligent discussion, she’s interested in puling and sniping: “When can we get more representation in our movies? How long do we have to wait?” she moans, before dismissing the supremely talented folks over at Pixar as a “bunch of guy geeks.” She ends her yammering by wishing that “Princess Charming rescues Sleeping Hunk,” said “Hunk” strongly suggesting that she ought not contemplate a career in writing children’s books. I suggest that Ms. Magowan take her 4-year-old daughter and bivouac somewhere with a DVD of Free to Be You and Me they can watch over and over until Pixar hires Ti-Grace Atkinson as a creative consultant
OK (this is Margot again) calling them guy geeks was a little harsh, but they are geeks. I wish I was more of a geek and could figure out how to do a poll on ths damn blog. I do not know what a biovac is. And yeah, I admit to loving Free to be You and Me. I know this reply is about two years too late, but I’m only learning now. By the way, Nora Ephron has since made the amazing movie (I thought) Julie and Julia, about a girl chef, Julia Child– GGG
Awesome. I adore this guy. He’s the best– both in animation and girl power. I know he’s a guy, so that’s the only drawback I guess, but that can be a plus too, that he has that kind of insight. Spirited Away, his classic, is my favorite. It’s just beautiful to watch. And Sen, the main character, is brave and cool and also emotional and real. Her parents turning into pigs did freak my kids out, it freaked me out; that scene is intense. I also love Kiki’s Delivery Service. recently, I saw Ponyo in the movie theatre whichw as such a great, powerful take on the lamest of movies– The Little Mermaid. My only issue with MIyazaki is you have to be in the mood, it s a commitment to watch one of these epic films and sometimes my mind drifts. And I suppose, with Ponyo, it really was much more about the animation that the story, there wasn’t much tension or conflict. The boy– I forget his name right now– is in love with Ponyo the fish, and his love is tested but you never doubt that this earnest, sweet boy’s love is true. Miyazaki gets my highest rating GGG.
Why are my movie titles not coming out in caps? I’ve got to fgure that out. I love the Power Puff Girls. I need to do more research to find out f they are even around anymore, I remember them from the 90s I think. They are super cute, as in too cute, but they can fly and rush bravely into danger and rescue people. I am going to give them a GG rating but will do work on finding out about them. Comments and recommendations welcome!
My three year old and I are watching it right now. I have to say, I love the Lion King and the opening scene is one of the all time best in animated movie history– where Mustapha holds up his son and all the animals bow and the Elton John music rocks in the background.
I do have my complaints– the title again features the boy, of course, and it is his coming of age story as well as a father-son story. Nahla, Simba’s best freind is pretty cool and brave, but as I wrote about in my SJ Mercury News piece, apparently not brave or strong enough to actually topple weak Scar. Seriously, any of those lionesses could have taken him on, but don’t, I guess because they are girls.
The music I think is great, Elton John can’t really go wrong iwth lyrics. I love the Nazi-esque Scar scene. I love Scar who I think is played by Jeremy Irons. He’s awesome. Why do so many evil animated characrters have green eyes? I love all the animals, I love the scenes of Africa. It gets one S and one G. I’m going to figure out a better way to display these ratings and give them some symbols.
Finally, Christmas is over and I am so sick of the whole thing; instead of subjecting my family to my endless frustration with all the lame toys out there marketed to girls, I’m going to blog. I’m the mother of three daughters, ages 6 years to ten months, and I’d like to connect with some like-minded parents looking for products for girls and get some help exchanging information and rating products and media (movies, books, cartoons etc.)
The toy industry acts as if boys and girls are polar opposites (you know the drill– Mars and Venus) One thing that drives me crazy– dolls marketed to boys are called “action figures.” Dolls marketed to girls are called dolls. While boy dolls usually frown and look tough, girl “dolls” almost always smile, their eyes often looking upward. This smile tyranny is one of the most annoying forms of sexism and it manages to cross all kinds of class lines. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve walked by a homeless person, given him money or not, and he calls out to me: “Smile, Baby.” And speaking of the ubiquitous, submissive smiling female, a friend came to visit me in San Francisco, the father of a three year old, and told me when they were driving down Broadway, where all the strip joints were, there was a giant photo featuring an exotic dancer and his daughter pointed, shouting: “Ariel!”
Second thing that drives me crazy– so many girls toys with the focus on dressing them up and fashion. My three year old got Polly Pocket for Christmas. I can’t stand Polly Pocket. I call her Polly Prostitute, partly due to her fashion choices which include thigh high boots in every shade of pastel and minis that barely cover her ass. This tiny plastic doll has about 50 million tinier little plastic outfits, impossible to keep track of– I mean a hairband with kitty ears smaller than my pinky nail. My nine month old has practically choked on a fllourescent stilleto more than once. I admit, dressing tiny Polly in her tiny clothing has honed my daughter’s fine motor skills into nothing less than phenomenal, but I hate that she is being trained to focus an inordinate amount of time and energy on getting dressed. My three year old also received magnetic, smiling girls with magentic clothing and you change their outfits, mix and match. Again, she is learning matching skills but the dressing is too much. I am going to get the names and the prices of these toys for you and post them because I would like this bog to be informational as well as commentary.
Another thing that drove me crazy this year, Rudolph the Red Nosed Renideer, I bought the dvd for my kids. And yes, we actually had a great time watching it under blankets, sitting by the fire, but I can’t get past that there are NO girl reindeers. There’s a big scene where the boy reindeers compete and learn how to fly (“playing reindeeer games”) There is only one girl- Clarisse: she does not fly or even aspire to fly; she gets the role of cheerleader. My daughter had a friend in pre-school, and I live in San Francisco, supposedly an open and liberal city– the kids in that school put on a Christmas play and the girls were not allowed to be reindeers or Santa because those were boy roles. That sucks. There are no girl elves in the Rudolph movie with speaking parts. There is Herbie, the elf who doesn’t fit in “a misfit,” and I do like the message of embracing your individuality. I can’t help but think Herbie is kind of a gay character, he’s the only elf with good hair– or possibly hair at all– and its a great message to find strength in your differences and to to be yourself. Speaking of which, Santa is extremely critical and only likes Rudolph when he realizes what Rudolph can do for him. Kind of lame, maybe a typical stren father figure role. My husband pointed out, when I complained, that Santa is under a lot of pressure, he’s got a big job to do; he has to know he can rely on his team and that sled is going to fly.
On this blog, I’m going to be rating toys and films, not on sex and violence, but on stereotyping because that’s the kind of imagery that is most damaging to kids– boys and girls both. Three S’s is the worst rating, three Gs for girls, is the best gender rolemodeling. Rudolph gets SS, it doesn’t get three S’s because Clarisse and Rudolph’s mom do stand up for themselves and refuse when Rudolph’s dad tells them to stay home, that its man’s work to find and rescue Rudolph. (I know this only because my six yesr old told me, I missed that part while re-stocking their bowls of cheez-its.) The message of indiviuality is important though with the almost total lack of girls in this story, its kind of like when you go to a private school info night (you can tell what else I’ve been doing) and the head of school tells you how imprtant diversity is to them but there’s no diversity at their school– it’s an intellectual idea, not made into an experience or a reality except in the most limited way.
I am not one of those mom’s who never let’s my kid watch TV (though I am pretty strict about how much) or who only likes wooden toys. I think we all live in the world and I’d like to help them to figure out how to be naviagte it, appropriating toys that are sexist whenever possible, however they can, rather than attempting to isolate them. I’m not “against” Barbie, I think she, like any toy, can be used as a creative outlet. I think “forbidding” toys is like “forbidding candy” which I also don’t do; it only makes kids want them more. That said, I don’t go out of my way to bring that stuff in my home, and I try to get as excited as possible about stuff that I think is good for them.
Let me know about great toys for girls or the ones that drive you crazy and why, what you’ve seen out there, what you’ve liked, what your kids have liked. If you are a girl older than my own, I’d love your comments.
Here’s something I wrote a couple years ago for the San Jose Mercury News on the same topic that kind of inspired me to do this blog. I think you are not allowed to post articles in their full form but as far as I can tell, this one is not anywhere on the internet anymore given the long time lapse so I’m just gong to put it up and hope I don’t get in trouble.
Phooey on `Ratatouille’: Female leads lacking in kid films
STUDIOS ACKNOWLEDGE, ACCEPT SEXISM
By Margot Magowan
Article Launched: 07/06/2007 01:32:35 AM PDT
“Ratatouille” made $47 million opening weekend, but as I watched the
film with my 4-year-old daughter, I felt depressed. There was nary a
female rat in sight. I’d forked over $9 so my daughter could get yet
another lesson in sexism direct from Pixar or Disney: No matter if
you’re a rodent, car, or fish – boys are the ones with the starring
roles while girls are relegated to sidekicks.
“Cars,” “Toy Story,” “Finding Nemo,” “The Lion King,” “Monsters Inc.”
each features a male hero and multiple male characters; often a token
female is around to help propel one of the guys to greatness.
“Ratatouille” faithfully follows suit. Colette, a female human sous
chef, even justifies her secondary role in the film with a brief
monologue on misogyny: “Do you know how hard I had to work to get
ahead in this male-dominated kitchen?” she yells at our hero.
The speech is there to throw girls a bone, and you can find this
gesture in most modern day motion picture cartoons. It’s that nod to
the audience: unlike all those cartoons of yesteryear, we know this is
sexist, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
When I complained to my mom and sister: “Why couldn’t Ratatouille have
been female? Why no girls – again?” They said, “Didn’t you hear
Colette’s talk? That’s how it is in the real world.” OK, let me get
this straight: It’s just fine to stretch our imaginations to believe
in a talking rat who can cook, but when it comes to gender
roles, we admire realism and authenticity?
When my daughter goes to the movies, she sees animals talk, fairies or
unicorns prance around, witches cast evil spells, but she’s never
shown a magical land where boys and girls are treated equally, where
gender doesn’t matter. Why can’t Pixar or Disney allow her the fantasy
of equality?
After I saw “The Lion King,” I wanted to know: Why couldn’t the
lionesses have attacked weak, old Scar? Why did they have to wait
around for Simba to come back to Pride Rock to help them? I was told:
that’s how it is in nature – lionesses need a male to lead the pride.
So a lion can be best friends with a warthog and a meerkat without
gobbling them up, but a lioness heading a pride? That could never
happen in the animal kingdom!
Pixar has yet to allow girls any starring roles, but Disney permits it
if she’s a princess. Audiences can count on the contemporary princess
movie to throw girls their bone: Unlike princesses of the past who
happily went off with the first guy who kissed them out of
unconsciousness, these modern girls get to choose whom they marry.
Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine put up a huge stink, stubbornly refusing
betrothal to the obvious choice. But these elaborate shows of
independence are bases for entire plot lines, keeping the princesses
stories almost entirely focused on marriage: rebellion within the
safest possible framework.
When my daughter was watching “Mulan” – probably the most feminist of
all the motion picture cartoons – dress up as a boy to fight in a war,
she asked me, “Why can’t girls fight?” Before she can even understand
how Mulan is empowering, first she has to understand sexism. But does
she need to know, at age 4, about sexism? Does she need to know people
still believe girls can’t do so many things, like cook in a top-tier
French kitchen? Why can’t she just see a girl chef making great food,
receiving acclaim for her talent, being helped along by a girl rat or
sous chef boy?
The hyper-concern for gender accuracy in the fantasy world extends to
things like plush toys – when I refer to my kid’s animals as “she,”
adults invariably do a double take, checking for manes or tusks: even
female toys must stay in their place. And of course, toys are a big
part of the problem. With today’s mass marketing, all these movie
characters live on as action figures, dolls, games, on T-shirts and
cereal boxes. On my daughter’s kite, her beach ball, her pull-ups, the
trifecta of Jasmine, Belle and Ariel smile shyly. My daughter wasn’t
born with this fairy tale-princess fantasy embedded in her brain, but
like any kid, she’s self-centered. She likes the movies that are all
about her. Females are half of the population. We pay our $10 just
like everyone else. When can we get more representation in our movies?
How long do we have to wait?
Pixar is made up of a bunch of guy geeks. Disney’s top brass is
practically all male. Maybe when we get more female studio heads, more
female directors and producers and writers, we’ll see groups of girls
having adventures; girl heroes doing cool, brave things in starring
roles where marriage may never be mentioned at all. Maybe then people
will wake up, finally recognize the radical lack of imagination going
on in our make believe worlds; Princess Charming finally rescues
Scooby Doo isn’t bad. I was thrilled that my daughter preferred it to all the princess moview. It’s all about solving mysteries. There are three males, one is a dog and the title charcacter. Being the title character is prime real estate and a girl character rarely wins it unless she’s a princess. Shaggy and Scooby are the stars and role model male friendship. Many kids movies are full of females who hate eachother– wicked stepmother and jealous stepsisters. Scooby Doo is your classic guy buddy movie. Velma is a strong character, the smartest of the bunch. Th eproblem is because she is smart, she seems to be unable to be attractive. daphne is obviously the hot girl– played my Sarah Michelle Gellar in the movie version, and Daphne is always worried about her hair and always wants to go shopping. The rest of the gang is often telling her to get over this and Daphne can come through with solving a riddle or saving someone from a monster. Often the wicked characters are female also. All in all, I’m pretty happy when my kids opt for Scooby Doo.
