Academy unveils new Oscar statuette

Today, just after announcing the nominations for the 83rd Academy Awards, Academy president Tom Sherak said that this year’s Oscars will feature a brand new statuette. Sherak said, “Our hope is that the new model will lift the Oscar curse once and for all.”

New Oscar statuette for 83rd Academy Awards

The Oscar curse– the phenomenon that after actresses get the award, their marriages break up– has been a PR problem for the Academy. Past victims include Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon, and Kate Winslet, but the last straw was last year’s winner, Sandra Bullock.

In 2010, just after Bullock won the award, she discovered her scumbag biker husband, Jesse James, was having an affair with tatoo artist Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee and probably other women as well. Bullock and James had just adopted a new baby.

Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress Oscar in 2010

Concerned that Natalie Portman, this year’s favorite to win, is not only newly engaged but about to become a mother as well, the Academy decided something had to be done to protect Hollywood marriages and the children involved, along with the Academy’s reputation.

Sherak said,”When women win, men are left in the audience clapping and smiling like First Ladies! Not only that, but their wives are publicly recognized for being successful and beautiful. Hollywood has worked hard to assure men they never have to worry about being sexually attracted to a powerful woman. And if all that humiliation isn’t enough, we award these women a giant, gold phallic symbol. It’s just too much.”

Sherak then unveiled the new model, saying, “Our hope is that this statuette will protect both Hollywood marriages and actresses careers.”

When past winner Reese Witherspoon heard the news, she said, “I wish this statuette had been around when I won! Sure, Ryan and I had problems, but seeing me kiss my new Oscar just pushed him over the edge.”

Although Nicole Kidman’s career soared after her breakup with Tom Cruise, she disagreed that the statue caused jealousy, saying it kept her close to her ex-husband.”Tom used to come over just to hold it,” she said.

Is ‘Black Swan’ supposed to be funny?

This movie is so campy, like a horror film or a melodrama parody. I don’t think that’s the director’s intention. That said, I had a great time going out to see it. I would recommend this movie if you, like me, rarely get that chance and you are craving some well-produced, Hollywood escapism.


Here are some things I liked about it:

(1) Natalie Portman is a great actress. As always, she gives an excellent performance. But her role is kind of a one-note. She’s got Oscar buzz, but, in the same way her character is challenged in the movie, Portman doesn’t get much of a chance to show her “dark” side. (Though unlike her character, we all know Portman can pull off dark; it’s this script/ role that limit her here.)

(2) Some breaking of stereotypes. I thought this movie was going to have two female rivals who hate each other and wickedly compete for the star role. We’ve all seen this set up a million times. But Portman wins her role at the beginning of the movie. The movie is about how winning that prize affects her. Kunis and Portman are supposed to look alike in the psycho-girl-twin way Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh do in “Single White Female.” Kunis, I think, is wearing brown contacts to make that point, and they’ve got the “white swan” versus “black swan” thing going on which the movie beats to death in repetitive dialogue and symbolism. But Kunis’ character, Lily, is only out to get Nina in Nina’s head. Lily is actually supportive and funny. That Lily is evil only in fantasy is a cool, different take– the idea that women aren’t really all out to get each other! (Of course, Nina does have the quintessential psycho-mom who keeps her daughter locked away, as just seen in “Tangled”.)

(3) Many female parts: Barbara Hershey and Winona Ryder are also in the movie. There is really only one male role. Other males have walk-ons as sex objects or as supporting dancers.